Inner Fires

Recently, I had an experience with a friend where I had to make a choice. Stay put and ignore or step in and sit with whatever will happen. I chose to step into the chaos of the moment and experience whatever I was dealt, while having the deep inner knowing I was more of a witness to their internal dumpster fire than my own. Don't get me wrong, my inner fire was BURNING....if I am honest RAGING and I wanted so badly to pour some gas on their fire so my fire was satisfied. When is it appropriate to stick up for yourself & when is it time to quietly wait out the storm? Especially since it is the Christmas season after all.....

In the moments I was beside my friend, I asked several questions of myself before  I reacted. Would it serve them? Would it help them? Would it help or serve me? Our friendship?  The answer was a strong and firm NO.  They used all the weapons they had to strike out against me and life at that moment. They chose to push me away and not deal with their inner fire.They chose not to pause and stay in order to dig deep enough to understand the situation or the root cause of their anger. They chose not to listen or allow any questions to be asked of them. My non-reactivity may or may not have served the situation. Only time will tell how this turns out. I will continue to love them from afar and love myself for the choices I made when with them.

Years ago, I remember the shock of experiencing the seething kind of backlash that years of unexpressed boundaries, undealt with anger/frustration, and stuck words can bring about, only to realize my anger and all the surrounding emotions entangled in it was just that: MINE. No matter how awful the situation, how many friends agree, how righteous you believe you are, how indignant or cynical you become, no matter how grand and tragic the loss, whatever emotions you feel are always your responsibility. You always have a choice about how you respond to life and the people involved. 

The basic teaching of a spiritual practice is to find yourself in the midst of your greatest challenge and stay. In moments where you find emotions arising, try closing your eyes, reconnecting with your breathe & staying with the experience of you. See how it goes. What does this do? It at least breaks the cycle of adding fuel to the fire in the midst of a full-blown blaze. It at least gives you a little pause in an otherwise very sticky situation. It at least gives you an extra moment to find the strength to choose an enlightened action over the pattern of aggressively acting out, escaping into pleasure, or numbing-out in denial. 

There is magic in staying with "the places that scare you". For in those truly empowering moments you bear witness to the law of impermanence. Whatever aries in your experience, no matter how solid and sticky, will change. All emotions flow if we don't hold onto them. Sooner or later, the seemingly solid righteousness of anger yields and gives way to the soft, forgiveness of peace and understanding. The greatest storm will pass and the sun will rise again another day and hopefully we don't love the people involved, including ourselves, any less when the sun does rise again.

Albert Einstein says you cannot solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it. And so it is. Anger cannot create peace. Itching the scab that started the whole conflagration won't end it. A middle way exists for this tempting emotion. There is always a way out. The powerful choice to stay gives you the opportunity to create the space of transformation whether it be for yourself or the person/people you are with.

We all need to look within and see our own dumpster fires and understand why they start, what fuels them, what dims them and what puts them out. Understanding sometimes our views need to change and we need to humble ourselves, take ownership and responsibility and apologize from the depths of our souls. Other times we need to stand firm, be compassionate, and love someone who is burning in front of you. We need to make conscious choices to ask questions which lead us to a deeper understanding of the situation, of ourselves, and of others. We need to get curious as to why the hot buttons within us were activated. We need to stay the course and DIG DEEPER.  

A lot of us have great expectations of others yet we don't communicate them so the people before us fail and we get angry because they should have known......but how? We need to be bold in our asks as well as in our apologies. We need to be authentically raw in where we are at, what we struggle with no matter how small or large we perceive it to be. And finally, we ned to be brave and ask for what we need.

In this Christmas season and moving forward, can we remember to be compassionate and full of grace as we hold space for ourselves and others to navigate the messy path we are all on. Each of us comes with a history...just as shiny as it is dark and twisty. Can we remember we are all ONE?  

I once heard the true meaning of Christmas aside from the celebration of the birth of Christ,  is to give up one's self...to think of others....we need o think about and act on how to bring the greatest happiness to others.  It is interesting to think sometimes in order to bring the greatest happiness to others, we need to look within and STAY.....stay in the fire to understand...and become refined.

Peace within.

Trish

Hear The Whispers

Fall is a time of year when deep reflection seems to naturally occur.  There is a natural purging on several levels; maybe clutter in our home, clothing, or matters of the heart. It is time when we can reflect on the seeds we have panted this past year and see what has taken growth and what is dead, dying, or needs some weeding.

Let us be silent that we may hear the whispers of the gods. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I quickly found that yoga asana, pranayama, and meditation consistently led me to a place of quiet contemplation where I could dismantle the armor I had worn for so many years. Through this peeling away of patterned thinking and limiting beliefs, the true nature of who I was, was revealed.  Filled with self-acceptance and love as I exited off my mat and into my life at that time, each step reflected a different truth. And as much as I tried to maintain the peaceful, compassionate feelings which arose during my practice, eventually I would be filled with judgments, disparaging remarks, and the pain of feeling unloved and unlovable, the yogi girl standing proud just minutes before shrunk away from the reflection of who stood outside.  I believed I was the opinion one person had of me. Someone I trusted and loved, had over time twisted me into harsh knots and turned me into something I was not, and never wanted to be.

Yoga soon taught me the script I had been repeating over and over throughout the previous three to five years bound my entire identity.  The equation seemed logical and simple enough. The dynamic of our human experience, however, is not. We are a complex web of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that are based on past experiences and which inform future ones. In yogic terms, these binding experiences come from the ahamkara (ego mind), the Self shaped by the sensations, thoughts, and emotions that validate (or threaten) who we believe we are. Until we learn to discriminate between Truth and ego/stories, our relationship to our Self and hence our actions, will lead us to suffering and unhappiness. When we use the discriminative mind (Buddhi or witness mind) to observe ourselves, change begins to occur.

Transformation rarely comes in one fair swoop, but rather slowly eases its way in without much fanfare. Similarly, each time I came to the mat my stories dissipated a little more and the voice of my soul and of God arose in a whisper. The practice taught me how to feel without reacting, to watch without the commentary, to lean into the joyful bliss that was possible and apparent on the mat. As written in the Bhagavad Gita, “when the mind comes to rest, restrained by the practice of yoga, and when beholding the self by the self, [she] is content in the self” (6:20). Through the practice, and over time, God’s voice and my soul’s voice spoke louder and more clearly.

As seen through Western-world eyes, present day yoga has primarily become a practice of postures made bright and shiny on Instagram, diluting yoga’s deep and transformative benefits. In it’s oldest and truest form however, yoga has always been therapeutic. The technologies of yoga (pranayama, bhanda, mudra, meditation, asana) written about in ancient texts such as the Hatha Yoga Pradipika lay a path to lead us back to our place of wholeness, connected with and to God.  We might think of these technologies as a window through which to watch – they allow us to see inside. Through that opening, we grow in our ability to cultivate love, compassion, self-acceptance and change.

The yoga didn’t necessarily change my body; it changed my heart and mind by creating a wider spectrum of who I thought I was and helped the stories (samskara) dissolve. On the mat, my breath moved into the darker places where normally I would hide or let’s face it IGNORE; I could feel the light inside; I could finally see myself for the fullness and wholeness I was and who God created me to be, not just the stories of someone else or the drama of those years that slowly creeped in to define me. The transformation I experienced, as a result of yoga, worked on and through me without me even understanding the philosophical or academic principles of the practice. Yet it happened!

So, how did it happen?

The Yoga Sutras state, “The practical means for attaining higher consciousness consist of three components: self-discipline and purification (tapas), self study (svadhyaya), and devotion (Isvara-pranidhana). These practices cultivate an attitude conducive to being absorbed in Spirit and minimize the power of primal causes of suffering” (II 1 and II 2). As most of us can attest to, just coming to the mat some days takes discipline; the various yoga technologies each require a tenacious attitude to practice and watch what happens. Through the course of exploration and discovery on the mat, yoga strengthens our ability to be with what we see and feel and teaches us to open and soften to what is seen without pushing it away or suppressing it. In short, the practice teaches us to lean into trust and Truth.  We have to be willing to DO THE WORK.

Practicing yoga – and living – deeply means to understand the depth of our choices and align our actions with the Truth of our nature (God’s truth, not the reality we create); to use the witness mind/space derived out of the practice as a guidepost on the path of transformation. The practices on the mat teach us how to experience surface and depth; to learn to watch the fluctuations inside without reacting; to allow the energies to rise and fall over and over without attaching story; to experience ourselves in a much deeper and powerful way. From the place of ego, seeing only what’s on the surface, we see and feel pain, fear, angst, suffering. When we view the surface from a place of depth (witness), we can see – and accept – the whole spectrum.

Yoga is experienced in that mind which has ceased to identify itself with its vacillating waves of perception. When this happens, the Seer is revealed, resting in its own essential nature, and one realizes the True Self ~Yoga Sutras, I,1-3

With another new year just 11 or so weeks away, it’s easy for most of us to fall back into habitual thinking of guilt, shame, and fear we think we will dissolve our inner demons and resolve us to change. We zealously plan to join the gym and promise to work out, eat healthier, end harmful relationships, stop additive behaviors, take more time for ourselves, lower stressors in our lives, the impending January resolution list goes on and on. And while these are admirable and worthwhile goals, the fact is, most people give up on their resolutions and themselves within six weeks of January 1st. Rather than outwardly focusing our attention on what we want, we can use yoga to direct our attention inside, to cultivate a compassionate and loving relationship to ourselves, to explore the nature of our true being. We need to embrace the notion yoga does not wish to eradicate the inner demons and for us to completely change, rather yoga wants us to uncover and discover what was ALWAYS THERE; IT IS WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE.  There is so much to be thankful for and look forward to. In this way, yoga is not about gurus on some far off Indian mountaintop or those with insane number of followers on Instagram – it’s a path that leads us back to our SOUL and connects us back to GOD…..And from THAT place, transformation happens.  Let’s get to it!   Look within. Do the work. Transform.

Onward & upward….

Balance

 

Balance is what many of us seek and is what has brought a lot of us to yoga.  So what is balance exactly? Many of us give it lip service, but how many of us have ever stopped, secluded ourselves, and really pondered what this concept actually means. For some of us balance may be something strictly between work and family life.  For others it may be health related or be something that is related to our physical form. For me, it is holistic.  It is when homeostasis is achieved in mind, body, and spirit. 

My balance is having:

• Faith and continually growing my faith relationship with God
• Quality relationships with family and friends
• A purpose or profession you love
• A clean and well balanced diet of whole foods (unprocessed and unrefined) along with exercising regularly
• Relaxation time along with knowing how to and be able to unwind
• Deep peace/contentment within so when times of duress arise, the center of my storm is still, calm, and nurturing

Many of us impose new and improved ways of doing things in order to achieve whatever our definition of balance entails.  For instance, it may be better time management, removing or imposing boundaries, eating clean, change of career, paying off debt, or anything else that will bring our lives more into a peaceful state.

You know what I find funny?  Many of the habits and/or lifestyles I have chosen to impose over the years have ended up holding me back.  When I initially integrated them into my life, the intention was for my life to be more simple…..better……freer…..healthier....and yes, ultimately….balanced. Instead, many of these 'changes for the better' have ended up having the opposite effect! What about with you?  Have you started something with good intentions and great expectations only to find it becomes burdensome and overwhelming?  Have you taken the time to stop and think about exactly what was the motivator behind the new change being implemented?  When I look at things that have failed me and left me feeling burdensome, I realize that those were motivated by wanting to achieve X--something unrealistic or in an absurd self-imposed timeline. They were quick fix attempts (and most often HUGE, abrupt changes) rather than something implemented for the long haul. They were things that filled the empty spaces so I did not have to do the hard stuff; the saying no and letting go of things. Instead they filled up more space and took me further off course, but gave the illusion I was doing things when all I was doing was just being more busy. This takes me away from the path I want to be on.

Look at your definition of balance and then look at your everyday life.  How can you employ and achieve your definition of balance each day and in each moment?  I have found successful movement toward my 'balance' has been in small moments rather than in grandiose life changes.  Sometimes huge life change is NEEDED and should be done!  I will be the first to attest to that! For most of us, we can shift in small moments and in small decisions we make throughout our everyday life.  

Here are some suggestions: Not multi-tasking when talking to someone, turning off phones when we are with our family/friends, eating unprocessed/unrefined foods so our bodies function better, taking the vacation time earned. Other suggestions: Keeping the things that fill your cup in tact when going through times of stress.  (Why is it these are the things we push aside first??!!) Taking 5 slow, deep breaths before we react to something.  Saying ‘No’ without an excuse or reason behind it.

There are too many things that pull us out of balance--obvious and inconspicuous.  Technology makes us a 24/7 epicenter of information. Our fast paced, American life can leave us feeling we are not working hard enough, long enough, or fast enough. TV, cell phones, and computers suck the life out of all of us. Especially things like Facebook, Twitter, Pintrest, Tumblr, Instagram, YouTube, Tik Tok, Snapchat and Netflix as they consume hours upon hours of our time when we could be interfacing with a real people or do things that set our soul on fire!  

Have you stopped to think how many hours you (and your family) can reclaim by simply taking a technology fast for a day, a week, or setting a technology curfew?  If you want to see how addicted you are, watch your emotional reaction when they are taken away! So how may hours is it for you (and for your family) and what can these additional hours do to your sense of feeling balanced and committed to your own path/goal?  Do they help?  In our family, they most certainly have!

Balance is a state of surrender and effort at the same time.  When we are in our balance poses on our mats, we often fight to stay upright and 'in the pose'.  Isn't this how most of us react in life? When something is not going our way or the rug has been pulled out from under us, we fight or bulldoze our way through so our way becomes the highway.  We try to take control so our selfish wants and desires are achieved and when it doesn't look like they will be, we get frustrated and try even harder to redirect the situation to our benefit. This often is unsuccessful and leaves us feeling exhausted not to mention,  a tad beat up! What if we surrendered to the situation and allowed the current of it to guide us and teach us along the way?  This does not mean we roll over and give up, but we simply allow the situation to traverse its natural course rather than trying to swim upstream all the time. We put forth effort yet yield to the direction, so a bit of surrender.

At the circus, all eyes are on the tightrope walker. Why? Because where there's balance, there's also tension and risk. The tightrope walker's talent and skill resides not in his/her ability to defy gravity, but in making the hundreds of subtle, incremental readjustments to account for imbalance. In the same way, our ability to achieve balance is in learning to reestablish it when forces put it to the test.

This is why stability alone is not balance. The more we cling to things (circumstances, people, possessions, our schedule, our way of thinking) to hold us in balance, the less we rely on our internal strength and flexibility to adapt. And because balance is not a fixed point, but always moving forward, we need to move forward, too. This can mean embracing change and allowing ourselves to evolve.

“He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart.  'To find the balance you want,' Ketut spoke through his translator, 'this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.” 

                                                                                                       ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love   

Balance comes when we adapt to change, rather than try to resist it. Encourage and practice smaller-scale changes in your life so you're better prepared to handle the bigger ones. Get allies around you who believe in you and/or your vision. They will tell you what you need to hear, NOT what you want to hear. They will understand the sacrifice you will make and they will make as they stand alongside you.

Think about what is most important for you to accomplish, and why. How can you make the most of your talent and energy in order to reach your goals/dreams/purpose? What is the benefit of focusing on these few things? Does it give you more time with your family, open up more opportunities, provide additional income? Weigh in with yourself about each action you want to take and why; that way you will be less likely to spread yourself too thin and sabotage your best efforts. Embrace saying ‘No’ so you can stay on point.

Maybe you sense your balance is slipping. Put those moments in perspective. We have to occasionally lose our balance in order to regain it. The mistake we often make is accepting our imbalances as part of who we are -- giving up instead of trying to recover balance.  Remember it is all about the small and constant adjustments.

You may not want to believe you've taken on too much, for instance, because you want to do it all and are hesitant to let anything go -- whether it's a job, obligation, or opportunity. Consider what kinds of imbalances have been affecting you, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually; pay attention to when and how you experience it.

When one area of your life is imbalanced, it can affect the others. Rather than view your imbalance as a mistake to fix, see it for what it is: an opportunity to rediscover balance in a new way. Stop spending time on things you don't need to do. A balanced life is really imbalanced. Spend more time doing what you love. 

Use your IDGAF muscle and remember it needs to be exercised in order for it to become strong. What is the IDGAF muscle? It is the 'I don't give a f*@$' muscle. It will allow you freedom to choose. Make your No list-- these are the non-negitiabley that are not a priority. Keep not in your phone, on your desk, tape it top your mirror, put it on your refrigerator.....It will give you a fresh perspective on what really matters. It will help you to release what is cluttering up your schedule and your life. STOP adding and START deleting. This m muscle is about making a decision you have wanted to make for a long time; a decision you knew was RIGHT, but for whatever reason you didn't take action. This is the muscle that give you freedom: I won't be at this event. I have another commitment. That doesn't work for me. Not doing it. The IDGAF muscle is the power behind the DELETE button!

Saying No is full sentence and it is understood by everyone worldwide. For those of us thinking, If only it was that easy..."  IT IS THAT EASY when you know what you want and what you don't want. 

In reality, balance is ultimately achieved when we are abiding by the plumb line of God, not our own.  We can all have our own definition of balance, but if it is not in align with the Divine’s purpose for us, we will have perpetual unrest.  It, our dharma (purpose), resides deep within us and is a constant voice that screams YES at its opportunity! We are pulled toward it. It INSPIRES us.   

Choose you. Choose your path. Choose the people and things that keep you on your path. 

Okay then.....let's get to tightrope walking!

Onward~

Satya (Part Two)

There is a concept in linguistics, termed the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, which posits the language we speak influences the way we think and in effect, the way we act. A deeper study of the Sanskrit word satya will give us a new way of thinking and feeling about the truth, perhaps one that bypasses our tendency to intellectualize and instead resonates with our deepest, instinctual consciousness.

 

Consider a mountain. You know this mountain exists because you have visual evidence. You have seen it from different angles. You know and understand its size and its shape. This evidence is confirmed externally by the fact that others have also seen this mountain and describe it in a similar way. Perhaps this mountain has a name and is used for directional guidance or maybe you have flown over it in an airplane. You may have even climbed this mountain and experienced it through your senses, validating its existence beyond any shadow of a doubt.

Then, one day, you wake up and there is a dense fog in the air. A fog so opaque, you can no longer see the mountain. You ask around for confirmation and find that no one else can see the mountain either. You might venture out to climb that mountain again, but with the fog so thick, it is difficult to orient yourself and near impossible to confirm the presence of the mountain. Still, you know it is there. You have a memory of it and you can feel the incline of the earth beneath you. Despite confusion and what might even be considered evidence to the contrary, you have a deep knowing the mountain still exists. The fog could linger for days or weeks, obscuring the mountain from immediate view. You may even forget about it, but the mountain never goes away. And on the next clear day, you might find yourself elated to see the mountain again. It will likely appear more magnificent than you remembered when the fog has lifted.

Satya works in the same way as the mountain. It is an inner knowing and experience of the truth, something believed beyond a shadow of a doubt. Whether a truth about ourselves or the universe, or simply an intuitive gut check that helps us make decisions, we each have a set of core values and beliefs informing our thoughts and behaviors. This is what living from the space of the witness provides; a clarity and presence to hear, listen and respond to this guidance. It is a space where we are able to 'read the room' and KNOW things.

 

The past, by its very nature, is a memory, and our memories are faulty at best. A memory is formed when a lived experience is subsequently stored in the intricate archives of the mind. During this process, the experience undergoes systematic alteration as a result of our implicit and explicit biases, our mental and emotional states, and how closely we are paying attention. Yep, our presence matters. Despite our best efforts to recall the truth, the recall and output is inevitably flawed.

 

Similarly, the future only exists as a prayer, a plan, or an expectation. When dealing with the future, there is always some degree of uncertainty. It has not yet come to be and therefore cannot be true. Satya only exists in the present and the practice of satya is a gradual calibration of our awareness to the fullness of each passing moment. We need to be diligent in cultivating this skill of awareness and intuition.

Sounds a lot like our yoga practice, doesn’t it? The call to be present….always beckoning us.

 

Satya (Part One)

 

Satya…truthfulness.  

Satya is offered in the Yoga Sutras as the second of five yamas, which are often misguidedly referred to as restraints or “right living” rules. I once heard them described as “reflections of our true nature” because our true nature is inherently good. The yamas can be thought of as behaviors that reflect our innermost essence.

To understand satya as one of the yamas, it is important to know it comes after ahimsa by design. The yamas are not mutually exclusive, they are interdependent and there is an element of hierarchical balance between them. In that hierarchy, ahimsa (kindness) always comes first.

 

Truth in our yoga practice begins before we unroll our yoga mats. It is present when the call to practice arises and when we commit to showing up on our mat. Truth perpetually invites us to practice wisely, from invocation to savasana. And when we say yes, we step into satya. So, what exactly does that mean as a yoga practitioner?

 

Breath is the teacher and as the student, you are the one being breathed. This is a sacred relationship and the underpinning of a sustainable practice. We need to develop an internal system of checks and balances for monitoring our breath--like counting, or ujjayi, or our beloved 3 fundamentals of 1) grounding, 2) soft upper pallet of the mouth, and 3) full commitment exhale. Then we respond to these checks and balances by adjusting accordingly throughout our practice.

 

The i-maker, or in Sanskirt ahamkara, is the tendency to over-identify with fleeting thoughts and sensations. When left to its own devices, the i-maker, fueled by the ego, will use the mat as its own private playground. For example, consider this inner dialogue, brought to you by the i-maker, “Wow, my balance is really off today…I can’t hold half-moon…why can’t I hold half-moon?…I always hold this pose…it’s probably because I missed class yesterday…I should have come to class…I was so lazy…everyone else is holding the pose…I am a terrible yogi…I am not even a yogi at all…why can’t we just move to the next pose?…I hate half-moon…I am so over this class…did the teacher just say “inhale”…am I even breathing?…I have to hold this or I won’t get better…seriously why can’t I just stay in the pose!?”

Now, enjoy the same conversation, but with a tone of satya, the ultimate antidote to the i-maker, “Wow, balance is challenging today…that’s interesting…maybe I’ll try breathing into the wobbles…looking at the floor seems to help…I’ll do that…[ breathes ]…how did I know to do that?…[ breathes ]…is that Yoga?…[ breathes ]…[ breathes ]…it was hard to concentrate during the opening meditation too…[ breathes ]…I haven’t really slowed down at all today…[ breathes ]…[ breathes ]… I think I’ll rest instead… [ breathes ].”

 

Yoga is a whole-body practice and the purest expression of each pose is designed to recruit all parts of ourselves. When we ignore or even violate any part of the whole for the sake of the pose, we have lost the integration, the union and the Yoga. Satya is absent. If the asana (pose) comes first, we might be inclined to ignore the subtle signals from the body and push beyond the intelligent edge. As a result, the body will signal more loudly in the form of pain or injury until we are unable to ignore it. Instead, treat the pose as a lens through which you can see something new inside our person. The shape of the asana provides a direction, not a destination.

Satya also means resting before we get tired. When we know we are tired and yet, we still complete another chaturanga in a way that compromises shoulders or spine, it is a physical untruth. When another progression is offered and we take it knowing the first one offered was challenge enough—think plank and the instructor offers lifting a  leg slightly so we choose to come to our knees and lift a leg or we choose to lift the leg and let our low back sway greatly rather than just staying with plank and possibly holding plank with both knees down. When we continually override the body’s natural rhythm in this way, it becomes more difficult to hear when it is asking for rest. Listen, surrender, and adapt as needed.

 

Satya arises from the inside out and seeking validation or comparison from any external source will inhibit honest expression in our practice. We cannot change our internally experienced reality with externally directed attention. Have you ever coveted someone else’s pose or get competitive with others you are practicing with?  Yeah….me neither. LOL! Everything we need to observe is happening within the four corners of our very own mat….within the 21 square feet of sacred space…..Our focus need not be elsewhere!

Stay tuned for Part Two next month....

Onward and Upward.