So, how is it that when life is spun around by circumstances, benign or otherwise, some people flail, while others sail? Why do some of us wallow in that place where we're so shocked and unhappy about an unexpected turn of events that we resist reality and find ourselves mired in bitterness or fear or hopelessness? Instead of accepting change with grace, we dig in our heels and suffer through each day of things not being what we think they should be. What's the secret to riding each new wave gracefully?
I hear a lot of people say that change is exciting, but they mean a specific kind of change. We all have an aversion to change that we'd rather not have. Certain change is appreciated, and some is not. The funny thing is as a culture, we seem determined to celebrate change. "Change is good," we tell each other, and, "Everything happens for a reason." Thoreau himself volunteered, "All change is a miracle to contemplate." Yes, we praise the virtues of change religiously—until some unwanted, unscripted change occurs….like the pandemic.
How can we learn to accept change with equanimity, absorbing each phase in stride and learning from each new experience? We need to know change Is inevitable. When any unscripted change comes down the pike, there's an overwhelming feeling of losing control, and that's perfectly normal. We’re moving into unknown territory and deep down, we're never in control…..of anything…..ever. We all know this, but we really like to think we are TOTALLY in control. Life doesn't exactly give us breathing room, but if we stop grasping for control of the uncontrollable, we can learn to breathe through it all.
Once we’ve accepted our utter lack of control, it can still take some doing to accept the emotions that often accompany a sudden unraveling of our expectations. Even minor setbacks challenge us. We can be disappointed with certain changes, but we should accept that disappointment the same way we’d accept delight.
What does that mean? We can separate our feelings from our response to them. Respond vs. React. By distinguishing our core emotions from those that pile on afterward, we don't limit our emotional life; on the contrary, we un-clutter it. It’s the clutter that leads us away from our true experience and into murkier territory.
We need to begin to look at major life changes and their constellations of angst in terms of what is, and isn't, permanent. Our duty is to recognize in the midst of radical transformations, the Self remains stable. If we can come to an understanding of this through asana, breath work, and our meditation, we can soothe the discomfort brought on by external changes. The yogic thinking is that there's part of us that's unchanging—the spiritual part of us that has peace and joy and love. Our soul. The nature of the world, however, is in flux.
Learning to make peace with life's calamities—lost jobs, romances, dreams, and crazy pandemics—does not mean we have to be passive. Sometimes we try to provoke change in our lives. Rather than just be with sadness, anxiety, or anger, we want to change it. And this inability to sit with what's happening is duhkha, suffering.
If we are present, grounded and tuned inward we can listen to our hearts. In that deepest silence we will be guided toward the appropriate action. We practice our yoga so we can be guided from within. In stilling our thoughts, we free up a more reliable inner wisdom. The more peaceful our mind is, the clearer and stronger our intuition is, and the better able we are to make the proper decision.
No matter how much the circumstances of life turns us upside down or sideways, we can be in touch with our core—our soul—the center of our being where God’s guiding voice resides. This space is ALWAYS right side up. Being in touch with this space, the core of who we are and who we were created to be, in turn, provides the clarity to navigate life's loops with calmness.
Our yoga practice has served as the perfect training grounds for times such as these. Let’s get on our mats knowing we are moving through this together. We are not alone. We are all making adjustments. We are alluding the emotional roller coaster. We are all experiencing the freedom and chaos. We got this.
Onward and upward as usual….
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