Now that we’re in December and on the brink of a new year — a month of endings and new beginnings in several respects — I’m spending a lot of time reflecting. It’s a year I’ve known a distinct degree of heartbreak and devastation, and paramount in that journey has been a unique inward journey. A space of getting to know a truer sense of who I and what God has called me to be. Standing in that truth and moving forward in it. Understanding the obstacles in my way to know which are ones are designed to see how much I want it and which ones I put there myself. Embracing the self-made obstacles to better understand the veils and false filters I have and allow myself to discard them. Being vulnerable and authentic and letting those close to me know these things….to willingly share the dark so that it may be brought into the light and rectified…..healed.
When any of us choose to live from a heart-centered space of authenticity, we have to understand the risks are great for both enrichment as well as heartbreak. We will never know the depth of connection we can have unless we are raw, vulnerable, and honest in both the shiny and shadow sides of us. In the heartbreak is where we find the largest potential for growth. We are cut to our core and served the truth of who we are in the moment; our reactive patterns, our fears, our judgements, our anger, our false expectations, and the love (or lack of it) that lies deeply imbedded beneath it all. These lessons hurt, especially when we are already hurting in so many ways, but they are crucial and valuable. It is a way for us to learn to embrace the gifts of our own imperfection. We are imperfectly perfect.
I recently had an encounter with a friend of mine. It was fantastic and devastating at the same time. It engulfed both ends of the spectrum and took me deep into my soul. I had to ask a lot of hard questions of myself and to them. I had to re-evaluate the lens through which I saw them and the one I saw myself through. We tend to see what we want to see rather than what IS. Meditation helped me to be still so I could hear God’s quiet voice within whisper guidance. Stepping back and not having contact helped me gain clarity even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Our friendship ran deep and souls see each other and always have. When we did ere-engage, I had a different perspective and could ask deeper questions. I owned my heart. I had shared my heart. I was and still am broken. There is no way to go back to the way it was. Things are experienced and they change us....profoundly. Not that this experience was good or bad it just was. There are a lot of mixed emotions and a rich tapestry of converging histories involved. Our space has moved forward and we are different as a result. Our feelings for one another are not, however the dynamic of us is. We have a deeper knowing of each other which is the rose and its thorns.
When we dare to live authentically and ask others around us to do the same, we begin to create a culture designed to evolve, transform, and take us to a deeper level of connection. We learn to let go of what other people think and cultivate more self-compassion. We let go of perfectionism (gasp…I know, right?!). We shed the numbness and reside in our resilient and brilliant spirit. We become brave to shed the veils fear surrounding life’s dark moments as well as the within the shadows of our very own soul. We discover how to live in continuously full of gratitude and joy. It takes daily practice just like our yoga. We help each other acknowledge, listen, and follow our intuition. We inspire and encourage each other to trust our faith.
From the wisdom our mat gave us, we let go of comparisons and cultivate more of creativity. We understand that wearing badges of exhaustion does not mean we are productive and have self-worth. In fact, these badges indicate nothing more than yup, we are EXHAUSTED! We hold each other accountable for stepping into more play and taking MORE REST or learning to REST for the very first time. We begin to claim the calm and stillness of our mat and meditation mind into every moment we exist. We are present. We listen. We stand in the “I am called to…” rather than “I am supposed to…” We bravely let others know ‘I am NOT OKAY and I am shattered into a million pieces’. We have a choice in that moment as the receiver of this message....we can come alongside and hold space or walk away. If we step into the heart of another....don't fix it, because there is nothing we can fix. We just need to hold sacred space for our person to FEEL. No matter the circumstance, we love anyway.....just as God calls us to.
Onward and upward.
Om Shanti.
