“It has been said that the highest learning comes in four parts: One part is learned from teachers; another part from fellow students; a third part from self-study and practice; and the final part comes mysteriously, silently, in the due course of time.” ~Ganga White, Yoga Beyond Belief: Insights to Awaken and Deepen Your Practice
I went skidding into the retreat at 100 miles per hour, tired and burned out, desperate for some quiet time to think, reflect, soul-search and reconnect with my husband.
Blue Spirit delivered! I am pretty sure I died and went to heaven for 7 days. Teaching yoga at sun-up and again at sun-down, napping, loving on my husband, reading, hiking over rock formations to the pink beach, “cartoon sweating” during intense heat, learning the strength and delight of the ocean by surfing, eating delicious (mostly vegan) food prepared with love, and forming a yoga family with 10 other kindred spirits — it all rocked my soul to the core…in the best possible way.
The life lessons I got from this retreat were reminders — gems that deep down I already knew, but that had gotten rusty amidst the whirlwind of life.
1. Comparison is a losing game - I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. Yoga (and life) is not about who can do what better. It is about how you feel on the inside. It is about feeling graceful and powerful; about feeling energy radiating through every pore, shooting out from fingertip to fingertip. All bodies are different. All lives are different. Focus on your lines, your practice, and living with integrity in your own life. Look to others not as a yardstick for comparison, but as an instrument for inspiration – you might be surprised to find you have those same qualities within yourself.
2. “Yoga doesn’t ‘take time’ — it gives time.” This quote is from Ganga’s book and it is so true. The things we love don’t take time, they give it. Don’t “make time” to do the things you love. Do the things you love, and you will find time in new and unexpected places for everything else.
3. The hard work is not in your to-do list. The hard work is in fiercely committing to things that energize and replenish you. Sometimes I feel like I am WORKING SO HARD (a weightlifter on steroids comes to mind) to get everything on my to-do list done. And yet, if I put half as much energy and attention into doing yoga, meditation, and carving out quiet time with God, I would be so much better off – so much less strain in my life. Feeling happy and balanced takes WORK – it is not easy. I want to focus my “hard work” on the things that really matter in my life – and trust that it will only help the smaller tasks to get done with more clarity and creativity.
4. Pain is an information system. This gem also comes from Ganga who teaches to listen to our pain, which is only trying to help us. Does pressing through the pain make it better or worse? What are the contributing factors? Without pain, we would have no warning system to stop destructive behavior, habits or diseases. What is your pain trying to tell you?
5. Our teachers are all around us. I learned so much from the staff at Blue Spirit, my students, my husband, my surf instructor..…I learned from the weather, from the land, from the rhythm of the ocean, and even from my crazy dreams….or maybe it was just the howler monkeys at 4:15am……you decide.
RE-ENTRY
I spend so much of my time online, hunched over my desk, buried in computers to get work done, research, plan, and learn. Yoga helps me unwind, de-stress, and connect with myself again. It helps me stand tall and exhale. Becoming a yoga teacher was something I had secretly wanted to do for a long time; since college, even though I did not know what Yoga really was, I knew I liked the idea of it for sure and just wanted to be a part of it. Once I became a yoga teacher, I realized I had just kicked a new door of my life wide open in more ways than one; one of healing, one of compassion, one of grace, one of the messiness of life, and one with the physical challenge I continually crave!
I’m thrilled to have a way to share the yoga gift – the ongoing, ever-changing alignment of mind, body and spirit – with others. I love having another way to unwind and express myself and physically amidst all of the “brain work.”
Re-entering the “real world” after 7 days of actual rainbows, sun, wildlife, ocean and prana so thick you could lean into it feeling its support, was a major shock to my system!
“I’ve been working harder every day but feeling like I am falling farther and farther behind. I’ve felt exhausted to the core; disappointed and helpless as I watched (mortified and even ashamed at) how quickly the clarity and calm from Costa Rica escaped me.” excerpt from my journal after the first retreat we did in Costa Rica in 2009.
On the first day back I was exhausted. I dreaded thinking about the Monday that lay ahead of me; working from 5am until 7:30pm, extensive emails, and all things involved with getting caught back up and preparing to speak at a women’s retreat in 6 days.
Day two: I could already feel anxiety pulsing through every vein. My breath was short and I ran around like a maniac all day re-arranging filing systems and my to do list as an avoidance tactic to delay diving into the massive amount of work that had piled up while I was gone. Yoga teaches us to breathe – that breath is life – and to treat our whole day as our yoga – but I quickly spiraled into a nervous, compulsive, frenzied state. I wanted so badly to carry that zen, relaxed, peaceful yogini-self with me into my normal life. I wanted to change the way I work and commit to habits that would sustain me over the long-term, especially as I prepare to launch into new training and programming during the next year.
By my third day back I was feeling
By Thursday, I was a total wreck. A hot, hot mess. Case in point: I made myself my first afternoon coffee in a loooong time (10 years maybe) so that I could survive the afternoon slump and get through teaching all evening. I am ridiculously lucky to have the problems I have. At the same time, I am determined to start solving these problems for myself and others who get overwhelmed by the big shoes they are trying to fill.
“Our culture has an excess of doing and a poverty of being” ~ Ganga White
People often tell me to stop doing so much, to slow down, or to go easy on myself. It sounds so easy. But that doesn’t change the number of deadlines or the number of email requests in my inbox. If I knew how to change the situation, I would. But somehow I keep ending up back here. The time in between my meltdowns has grown dramatically over the year’s, but the hard-wired braid of pitta dosha, type A personality, and being goal-driven (yep, I thrive on lists and checking them off!!) is a hard one to master control over. It is a continual speed bump in my life.
Here is my pattern which I am sure is blindingly obvious to those of you with the same personality traits:
- Work too hard for too long.
- Get overwhelmed and resentful.
- Feel as though I’ve lost myself.
- Fall out of sleep and exercise habits that keep me happy and healthy.
- Get sick and/or break down.
- Force myself to slow down.
- Feel guilty about not being able to keep up with all friends in all corners of the world.
- Promise to change.
- Try my very best to actually change and put myself first…
- Fall back into old habits.
- Feel like I’m lacking the magic sanity-management skillset that others seem to have.
- Repeat steps 1-12.
Sit under the stars with a quiet mind and no goal.
Be attentive to all things in life.
Honor yourself.
Laugh at yourself.
Listen to the voice of your own body.
Carry joy and light on your path.
Listen to the wise, but always question.
Truth and love are simple and ever present.
~ Ganga White, Yoga Beyond Belief: Insights to Awaken and Deepen Your Practice
Even though the first week back was rough, all was not lost. Re-entry into life after any A-HA moment and/or culture can be a bit rough, yet inspiring! I have once again let go of things that no longer serve me and have chosen things that serve who I was authentically created to be. I can create my own oasis within my soul. Gentle reminders of feeling so at home and so at peace in Costa Rica hang around my neck and rest upon the desk beside my bed.
The way we all felt at Blue Spirit is a choice we need to make here; the way we eat, what we participate in, the values we hold, give priority to the priorities: God-Family-Yoga-Work and in yes, that order. Reclaim dinner and meal making. Be present to all you talk to. Even though I was overwhelmed, I realize that feeling is FALSE. It is a choice. I spent time in a beautiful culture where being present and family values ARE the culture. Here in the West, it seems our schedule is the value—if we do more, we are more. My identity comes from God and is one of a human-BEING not a human-doing. Beauty is found the small things and God is whispering to us….pursuing us....all the time. We just have to be able to have space in our lives so we can hear Him speaking, guiding, and molding us into the amazing person we were created to be. Are you willing to create space?
So here in lies the challenge: Can each of us, RE-ENTER into who we were made to be; The beautifully, wonderfully, and powerfully made children of God? The choice is ours. We don’t need to take a Eat-Pray-Love expedition to find it. It lies within…..Are you ready to choose? It will be work. It won’t be any less work than what we are already spinning our wheels doing. It is attainable. All we have to do is choose………ARE YOU READY?
??????
BE. GO. DO!!!
Onward and upward.
