Transitions

TRANSITIONS

William Bridges, in Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, lists three stages of transition. His three stages are named father the seasons of fall, winter and spring. The first stage is fall and what better time to dig deeper into transitions than when our autumn is underway?? We see grass turn brown and leaves fall, which means another year is coming to a close. The second stage, winter, comes when the soil lies fallow and uncultivated. This is a time for quiet and waiting. The world around us appears lifeless, dead, or in hibernation. When spring -- the third stage -- arrives, green leaves re-emerge from the dry brown twigs of winter. The earth bursts forth again with life. If we view changes in our lives like the changing seasons, we can feel more comfortable with transitions.

As seasons seldom change overnight, rarely does a person move smoothly from one phase to another. Some transitions, like puberty and aging, happen gradually. Other transitions, like passing the test for a driver's license, occur in an instant. However, there usually is considerable overlap and see-sawing back and forth between the new and the old. We need to take time to adjust to the new identity offered by change. Each person's progression is unique to individual circumstances and abilities.

Every transition begins with an ending. Even positive life changes can be difficult without proper endings. Before we embrace the new, we must let go of the old. "Endings are the first, not the last, act of the play" (Bridges, 2004, p. 132). Once we say goodbye and let go, we may experience a winter-like time. We feel lost, empty or numb-as seemingly lifeless as winter. When we allow ourselves to experience our new feelings fully, we move into the springtime of our transition and make a new beginning.

Fall transition is a time to break old patterns. At this stage we say farewell to familiar people, places and routines.

• When you face a particularly difficult transition, experiment with participating in a ritual that helps you close the door on the past and open the door to your future. One in seven American households moved in 1999 (U.S. Census Bureau). When you're faced with a move from a long-time dwelling, have a going away party.
• Ask yourself, "How do I want to say goodbye to each person, situation, place, or event that has been important to me?" Then say goodbye and let go.
• Surrender: Give in to your feelings of loss. Stop striving to avoid them. Frequently, it is only through death that rebirth can occur.
• What is it time to let go of in my life now?

Winter transition brings feelings of emptiness, numbness, and confusion. At this stage we often aren't connected yet to the new and aren't yet disconnected from the past.

• Increase your self-awareness. Learn about yourself. Spend time alone. Read inspirational books. Participate in a support, therapy, or special interest group.
• Make regular time to be alone. Use your time constructively. Allow yourself to experience what you feel (loneliness, anger, depression, sadness, peace, strength). If possible, share your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor. Start a log, journal or autobiography. Avoid "keeping busy" to run away from emotional pain. Pain can show us what we need to do to grow.
• Retreat to a neutral zone for a few days. Pick a place free from interruptions. Eat simply. Jot down your thoughts in a notebook. Consider what in your life is currently unlived.
• Take advantage of the winter period. Something good comes from everything that happens. Often, seeing the good takes time. Learn to look at life's transitions as a loss and a gain. For example, a new move means leaving friends and the familiar -- a loss for anyone. The gain is the opportunity to make new friends, see new places, have a yard sale, let go of unnecessary things, reorganize closets and drawers, etc. The winter period is a time of searching for these gains.

Spring transition means letting go of the old relationship, situation or event and making a new beginning. As spring leaves bud and flowers bloom, you, too, will find new energy to make a new beginning.

• Give yourself time alone. What do you need now? Think about what you want right now. What is waiting in the back of your mind to begin? Who would you like to be? What would you like to do in the time you have remaining? Visualize your future unfolding the way you want.
• Accept that past achievements can no longer be the standard for satisfaction in the present. Don't cling to old identities, roles and routines if they no longer meet your needs. Focus on today and all that you can enjoy and accomplish before tomorrow.
• Set realistic short- and long-term goals for yourself. When you know what kind of changes to expect and what you cannot predict, you are more likely to set realistic yet flexible goals. Start today to realize your dreams of who you want to be and what you want to do.
• Reward yourself for your progress. Give yourself healthy treats and pats on the back. Seek supportive, positive companionship. Compliments and encouragement are invaluable for avoiding past ruts and for making new beginnings.

Learn to notice and experience the changing seasons of your life from fall (making endings) to winter (experiencing your pain) to spring (making new beginnings). You will feel a renewed energy, a renewed hope, and a renewed desire to grow and give to others.

Onward
Trish