The Things That Get In The Way

The Things That Get In The Way

Loving and accepting ourselves are the ultimate acts of courage.  In a society that says, "Put yourself last," self-love and self-acceptance are almost revolutionary.   If we want to take part in this revolution, we have to understand the anatomy of love and belonging.  We need to understand when and why we bustle for worthiness rather than claim it.  Most importantly, we have to understand 'the things that get in the way'.  

We encounter obstacles on every journey we make, especially the journey on our yoga mats.  If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about 'the things that get in the way'..... 

• Guilt (I did something bad, it is about our behaviors)
• Shame (I am bad, it is about who we are)
• Fear of being unworthy of love and belonging
• Sharing our vulnerability

We all have had experiences that have happened in our lives that illicit one or many of those listed.  We know that each experience we have has ties and entanglements that wind up becoming our biology.  Each experience has a physical component, a mental/emotional component, and a chemical component.  All three components exist in each and every experience.  For instance, if I get a physical injury, I will have a chemical response as well as a mental/emotional response.  If I have an emotional trauma, I will also have chemical and physical issues manifest themselves as a result.  We need to become aware of this, of who we are, and of what is happening to us as we interact with the world around us.  In one word, we need to become PRESENT. 

These 'things that get in the way' need three things in order to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.  When these things happen we keep it all locked up, it festers and grows.  It consumes us.  We need to share our experience.  If we find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it.  It can heal ourselves as well as heal them or others. The things that get in the way lose their power when they are spoken; when they are identified.  We hear from our mats that we are to sidle up to our fears in our postures rather than pushing them down.  We are to breathe into them and get curious as to what exists underneath the physical sensation; to hunt for the treasure of the experience that is looking to be released. We are called to tame the rabid monkeys of our mind by becoming still and PRESENT in order to understand the reactive pattern that is rearing its ugly head. Once we give voice to those things, they lose their power and are no longer scary.  We are able to manage them and undo the compensatory pattern (physical, mental, and/or emotional) we have developed.

This does not mean that all things are released immediately and completely.  This is a journey just like our yoga.  We need to be able to take care of our soul; of that inner manifestation of God.  We are called to love and accept others by God himself.  Some of us find this easy and others find it quite difficult.  The majority of us, however, do not love or accept ourselves.  How can we honestly love and accept others when we can not do it ourselves?  Would we take advice to quit smoking from our doctor who smokes?

Yoga is about connecting to God, accepting who we are, and slowly through our daily practice, get rid of the things that get in the way so that we may shine brightly in who we were authentically created to be.  Why then do we hold all the shadows so close and not let them be revealed? Light destroys the shadows.  Our facades will eventually break down and is the exhaustion to upkeep them worth it?  I am not sure about you, but for me there is freedom in being transparent, honest and being vulnerable. 

Everyone has their stories, their screw-ups (mine are typically epic) and their triumphs.  I am a disciple of Christ who fails  and flounders each and every day, but I also have wins.  What you see is what you get.  It is all that I am.....I am what I am. I love my journey.  Sure I wish that certain things had not happened and I have experiences that I consider 'gifts that keep on giving', but I am wiser, gentler, and kinder as the result of the treacherous road they threw me down. It is refreshing to say I don't have it together, I am losing it, I screwed up, and I am sorry.  Why is it so hard to ASK for help but we are willing to GIVE help........what is up with that???!!

The best growth happens in the darkest places and remember.....we all have the things that get in the way. We are all in same boat.

Grab your cape and get courageous!   Love yourself and then .......love others!
Onward
Whole Hearted
Om
Trish

Transitions

TRANSITIONS

William Bridges, in Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, lists three stages of transition. His three stages are named father the seasons of fall, winter and spring. The first stage is fall and what better time to dig deeper into transitions than when our autumn is underway?? We see grass turn brown and leaves fall, which means another year is coming to a close. The second stage, winter, comes when the soil lies fallow and uncultivated. This is a time for quiet and waiting. The world around us appears lifeless, dead, or in hibernation. When spring -- the third stage -- arrives, green leaves re-emerge from the dry brown twigs of winter. The earth bursts forth again with life. If we view changes in our lives like the changing seasons, we can feel more comfortable with transitions.

As seasons seldom change overnight, rarely does a person move smoothly from one phase to another. Some transitions, like puberty and aging, happen gradually. Other transitions, like passing the test for a driver's license, occur in an instant. However, there usually is considerable overlap and see-sawing back and forth between the new and the old. We need to take time to adjust to the new identity offered by change. Each person's progression is unique to individual circumstances and abilities.

Every transition begins with an ending. Even positive life changes can be difficult without proper endings. Before we embrace the new, we must let go of the old. "Endings are the first, not the last, act of the play" (Bridges, 2004, p. 132). Once we say goodbye and let go, we may experience a winter-like time. We feel lost, empty or numb-as seemingly lifeless as winter. When we allow ourselves to experience our new feelings fully, we move into the springtime of our transition and make a new beginning.

Fall transition is a time to break old patterns. At this stage we say farewell to familiar people, places and routines.

• When you face a particularly difficult transition, experiment with participating in a ritual that helps you close the door on the past and open the door to your future. One in seven American households moved in 1999 (U.S. Census Bureau). When you're faced with a move from a long-time dwelling, have a going away party.
• Ask yourself, "How do I want to say goodbye to each person, situation, place, or event that has been important to me?" Then say goodbye and let go.
• Surrender: Give in to your feelings of loss. Stop striving to avoid them. Frequently, it is only through death that rebirth can occur.
• What is it time to let go of in my life now?

Winter transition brings feelings of emptiness, numbness, and confusion. At this stage we often aren't connected yet to the new and aren't yet disconnected from the past.

• Increase your self-awareness. Learn about yourself. Spend time alone. Read inspirational books. Participate in a support, therapy, or special interest group.
• Make regular time to be alone. Use your time constructively. Allow yourself to experience what you feel (loneliness, anger, depression, sadness, peace, strength). If possible, share your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor. Start a log, journal or autobiography. Avoid "keeping busy" to run away from emotional pain. Pain can show us what we need to do to grow.
• Retreat to a neutral zone for a few days. Pick a place free from interruptions. Eat simply. Jot down your thoughts in a notebook. Consider what in your life is currently unlived.
• Take advantage of the winter period. Something good comes from everything that happens. Often, seeing the good takes time. Learn to look at life's transitions as a loss and a gain. For example, a new move means leaving friends and the familiar -- a loss for anyone. The gain is the opportunity to make new friends, see new places, have a yard sale, let go of unnecessary things, reorganize closets and drawers, etc. The winter period is a time of searching for these gains.

Spring transition means letting go of the old relationship, situation or event and making a new beginning. As spring leaves bud and flowers bloom, you, too, will find new energy to make a new beginning.

• Give yourself time alone. What do you need now? Think about what you want right now. What is waiting in the back of your mind to begin? Who would you like to be? What would you like to do in the time you have remaining? Visualize your future unfolding the way you want.
• Accept that past achievements can no longer be the standard for satisfaction in the present. Don't cling to old identities, roles and routines if they no longer meet your needs. Focus on today and all that you can enjoy and accomplish before tomorrow.
• Set realistic short- and long-term goals for yourself. When you know what kind of changes to expect and what you cannot predict, you are more likely to set realistic yet flexible goals. Start today to realize your dreams of who you want to be and what you want to do.
• Reward yourself for your progress. Give yourself healthy treats and pats on the back. Seek supportive, positive companionship. Compliments and encouragement are invaluable for avoiding past ruts and for making new beginnings.

Learn to notice and experience the changing seasons of your life from fall (making endings) to winter (experiencing your pain) to spring (making new beginnings). You will feel a renewed energy, a renewed hope, and a renewed desire to grow and give to others.

Onward
Trish