Balance
Finding balance is one of life's great goals, but it can be as elusive as it is desirable. Change your approach and its true nature will emerge. When you're balanced, you can feel it. You get the sense that your life is moving along steadily. You take things in stride. You feel healthy and vibrant, challenged by your life, but relaxed enough to enjoy it; protected by the familiar, but excited by the possibilities ahead. So why does achieving it -- and maintaining it -- seem so difficult to do for so many of us?
Study balance a little closer, and you realize that what many of us perceive to be the ideal balance is in fact not balance at all. Unlike, say, a balanced scale, a balanced life is not symmetrical, still, or neutral. Like riding a bike, living a balanced life comes easier to you as you gain momentum. From that perspective, the myths and truths that follow can help you find a new understanding of balance -- and, finally, a way to get there yourself.
Balance is what many of us seek and is what has brought a lot of us to yoga. So…….WHAT is balance exactly? Many of us give it lip service, but how many of us have ever stopped, secluded ourselves, and really pondered what this concept actually means. For some of us balance may be something strictly between work and family life. For others it may be health related or be something that is related to our physical form. For me, it is holistic. It is when homeostasis is achieved in mind, body, and spirit. My balance is having:
- Faith and continually growing my faith relationship with God
- Quality relationships with family and friends
- A purpose or profession you love
- A clean and well balanced diet of whole foods (unprocessed and unrefined) along with exercising regularly
- Relaxation time along with knowing how to and be able to unwind
- Deep peace/contentment within so when times of duress arise, the center of my storm is still, calm, and nurturing
You know what I find funny? Many of the habits and/or lifestyles I have chosen to impose over the years have ended up holding me back. When I initially integrated them into my life, the intention was for my life to be more simple…..better……freer…..healthier....and yes, ultimately….balanced. Instead, many of these 'changes for the better' have ended up having the opposite effect! What about with you? Have you started something with good intentions and great expectations only to find it becomes burdensome and overwhelming? Have you taken the time to stop and think about exactly what was the motivator behind the new change being implanted? When I look at things that have failed me and left me feeling burdensome, I realize that those were motivated by wanting to achieve X--something unrealistic or in an absurd self-imposed timeline. They were quick fix attempts (and most often HUGE, abrupt changes) rather than something implemented for the long haul.
Look at your definition of balance and then look at your everyday life. How can you employ and achieve your definition of balance each day and in each moment? I have found that successful movement toward my 'balance' has been in small moments rather than in grandiose life changes. Sometimes huge life change is NEEDED and should be done! I will be the first to attest to that! For most of us, we can shift in small moments and in small decisions we make throughout our everyday life. Here are some suggestions: Not multi-tasking when talking to someone, turning off phones when we are with our family/friends, eating unprocessed/unrefined foods so that our bodies function better, taking the vacation time earned. Other suggestions: Keeping the things that fill your cup in tact when going through times of stress. (Why is it these are the things we push aside first??!!) Taking 5 slow, deep breaths before we react to something.
There are too many things that pull us out of balance--obvious and inconspicuous. Technology makes us a 24/7 epicenter of information. Our fast paced, American life can leave us feeling that we are not working hard enough, long enough, or fast enough. TV, cell phones, and computers suck the life out of all of us. Especially things like Facebook, Twitter, Pintrest, Tumblr, Instagram, YouTube and Netflix as they consume hours upon hours of our time wen we could be interfacing with a real people or do the things that set our soul on fire! Have you stopped to think how many hours you (and your family) can reclaim by simply taking a technology fast for a day, a week, or setting a technology curfew? If want to see how addicted you are, watch your emotional reaction when they are taken away! So how may hours is it for you (and for your family) and what can these additional hours do to your sense of feeling balanced? Do they help? In our family, they most certainly have!
Balance is a state of surrender and effort at the same time. When we are in our balance poses on our mats, we often fight to stay upright and 'in the pose'. Isn't this how most of us react in life? When something is not going our way or the rug has been pulled out from under us, we fight or bulldoze our way through so that our way becomes the highway. We try to take control so that our selfish wants and desires are achieved and when it doesn't look like they will be, we get frustrated and try even harder to redirect the situation to our benefit. This often is unsuccessful and leaves us feeling exhausted not to mention, a tad beat up! What if we surrendered to the situation and allowed the current of it to guide us and teach us along the way? This does not mean we roll over and give up, but we simply allow the situation to traverse its natural course rather than trying to swim upstream all the time. We put forth effort yet yield to the direction, so a bit of surrender.
At the circus, all eyes are on the tightrope walker. Why? Because where there's balance, there's also tension and risk. The tightrope walker's talent and skill resides not in his/her ability to defy gravity, but in making the hundreds of subtle, incremental readjustments to account for imbalance. In the same way, our ability to achieve balance is in learning to reestablish it when forces put it to the test.
This is why stability alone is not balance. The more we cling to things (circumstances, people, possessions) to hold us in balance, the less we rely on our internal strength and flexibility to adapt. And because balance is not a fixed point, but always moving forward, we need to move forward, too. This can mean embracing change and allowing ourselves to evolve.
“He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart. 'To find the balance you want,' Ketut spoke through his translator, 'this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.”
~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Moving to a new city, letting go of an old relationship, or losing a job are potential triggers for imbalance, and any one of them has the potential to throw you off your axis, causing stress, exhaustion, or anxiety. Balance comes when we adapt to change, rather than try to resist it. But you can start small: Encourage and practice smaller-scale changes in your life so that you're better prepared to handle the bigger ones.
Think about what is most important for you to accomplish, and why. How can you make the most of your talent and energy in order to reach your goals? What is the benefit of focusing on these few things? Does it give you more time with your family, open up more opportunities, provide additional income? Weigh in with yourself about each action you want to take and why; that way you will be less likely to spread yourself too thin and sabotage your best efforts.
Maybe you sense that your balance is slipping. Put those moments in perspective. We have to occasionally lose our balance in order to regain it. The mistake we often make is accepting our imbalances as part of who we are -- giving up instead of trying to recover balance.
You may not want to believe you've taken on too much, for instance, because you want to do it all and are hesitant to let anything go -- whether it's a job, obligation, or opportunity. Consider what kinds of imbalances have been affecting you, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually; pay attention to when and how you experience it.
When one area of your life is imbalanced, it can affect the others. Rather than view your imbalance as a mistake to fix, see it for what it is: an opportunity to rediscover balance in a new way. Stop spending time on things you don't need to do. A balanced life is really imbalanced. Spend more time doing what you love.
In reality, balance is ultimately achieved when we are abiding by the plumb line of God, not our own. We can all have our definition of balance, but if it is not in align with the Divine we will have perpetual unrest. Remember balance is a state of tension and risk and in balance there is imbalance.
When my family was driving home from vacation, we passed a sign that made me chuckle and think : EXACTLY. It was a huge billboard with a black background and simple white lettering and it read:
My way is the highway.
~God.
Remember there is no secret to balance, you just have to feel the waves :)
Onward~
